I Want Rest

I want rest

the kind that is uncomfortable 

at first,

at most,

then feels easy - 

but only after the undoing,

the unmaking, 

the untying myself

from culture’s ideas

I never thought were good anyway.

Rest is not a good idea.

For too many

rest is not a state

but fleeting thought

on a to-do list.

It is not a state 

but too often a wish,

a wandering dream

inferred but abandoned.

I want to leave fatigue behind

the kind that follows you

to the beginning of a moment

and refuses your start.

I want tired to tire itself out

and leave me in the company

of rest 

so we can talk

and she can learn more

about what I want from her.